No Longer Human. It was a drama I stumbled upon while scrolling through Netflix. Although different from Osamu Dazai’s novel of the same name, its nihilistic vibe mirrors the book right down to its last line. The characters, wanting to shine but fearing relationships, are all gloomy and lonely. They struggle and ache. Their life’s traumas and the wounds from others are so immense that they sit right down, unable to see ahead.
Father, I’ve become nothing. Born into this world, I’ve become nothing. Living is so embarrassing.
Facing the hell of reality, the protagonist confides softly to his father. With no place to lean on, they exchange meager consolations, which made the scene even more heart-wrenching. My heart felt heavy, my emotions sinking to the floor, so I paused around episode 4 to step outside and take out the recycling. Despite only wearing a shirt, it wasn’t cold. Inside the drama, it was winter, but outside, spring was in full bloom. 🌸
‘You’d almost believe spring has been here for ages.’
But I wasn’t the only one fooled. The cherry blossoms by the trash bins were in full bloom. Even before the news buzzed about cherry blossoms, they were already showing off. Whether news first or blooms first, it didn’t matter. People might already be out enjoying the cherry blossoms. After all, March is already slipping away. 🌸
As I admired the year’s first cherry petals dancing in the wind, I received four consecutive funeral notices. A friend, sharing the same circle, also reached out, and we dressed up to pay our respects one by one. In the car, we set some simple rules, and at the venue, my friend placed flowers and we prayed together. Although I had never met them face-to-face, I sincerely wished them well on their journey to a better place, repeating it over and over. 🙏
Facing the bereaved is always awkward. The thought, ‘Will my consolation be of any comfort?’ fills my mind. Telling them to stay strong seems hollow given the long, hard road they’ve walked. In the end, I just nodded at my friend’s words, unable to say anything. 🤐
On my way home after parting ways with my friend, I stopped by a convenience store. I remembered a saying about buying something elsewhere after a funeral before heading home. I don’t know why, but not everything in the world needs understanding. Grabbing a comically designed corn coffee at the counter, I was told it was a buy-one-get-one-free offer. Picking up another, even though I’d just seen it, it felt strange. My mind was probably too tangled. 🤯
The people I just met today won’t see this corn coffee again.
Kang-jae, the male lead in No Longer Human, had a father who was critically ill. One day, he removed his IV and ventilator, ending his life. The disappearance of someone who occupied so much space in his daily life shook Kang-jae’s world, leaving him deeply traumatized. Even if not as drastic, death is one of the most unsettling events one can face. It’s beyond personal control and irreversible. Reconciliation with estranged people or finding lost things hidden in a cupboard can’t happen. It’s like slicing a birthday cake, closing a fridge door, or flipping a switch—life gets divided into ‘before’ and ‘after’ with a simple ‘click.’ We all head towards death, and life is our journey to forget that fact. ⚖️
Anyway, the start of this weekend was thick, dark, and heavy, and though I wanted to be productive, I couldn’t. Just sharing that. 🖤
P.S. May the departed rest in peace. 🌠
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