Positive, Then What?

Held strong for a while, but after four consecutive nights of gatherings, I caught the virus last weekend. The first day felt like sinking endlessly beneath the bed, followed by a week of isolation with mild cold-like symptoms. And then, as Christmas Eve wrapped up, so did my isolation. It was a strange mix of freedom and solitude, like breaking free from chains. 🌟

It felt like being discharged from the military after being confined for so long, or like a prisoner finally stepping out of solitary confinement (not that I’ve ever been to prison!). My sister and her husband visited for the first time in three years, but I haven’t seen them yet. The company went through a whirlwind of changes, but it still feels distant to me. 💼

Discharged but not yet a part of society,
standing on the edge like a Marginal Man.*

But hey, time heals all things. The day after my release, still feeling like an outsider, I grabbed a book I had ordered during my quarantine and stepped outside. The cool breeze brushing against my face was refreshing. With the wind whispering around me, I thought, ‘Let’s go somewhere unfamiliar and finish this book.’ 📚

A long time ago, there was a café called Blues House near Hongdae, where I used to hang out. It was a dimly lit basement filled with cigarette smoke, with a Beatles photo reaching to the ceiling. Sitting on a sofa there, a bartender, whose gender was a mystery, would hand over a worn menu. Back when time seemed endless, we’d share silly jokes and sip on beer while listening to music. 🎶

For some reason, as I left the house with my book, thoughts of that place flooded my mind. Was it really the only place I remembered? What kind of life have I led? Anyway, on the first day of being free from the quarantine that no one cared about, the time was all mine. If the place still existed, I thought to request Ryuichi Sakamoto’s ‘Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence.’ After all, it was Christmas. 🎄

But, the bustling streets of Hongdae no longer had Blues House. I didn’t really expect it to, but facing that reality was disheartening. With my headphones back on, I headed home listening to Lee Seung-hwan’s ‘My Story’ followed by ‘To Me.’ 🎧

Nothing lasts forever.
Not love, not trust,
and not even hatred,
at least not for me.

Still, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year. 🎉

^{* Marginal Man: The concept of a marginal man explains how an individual caught between two cultural realities struggles to find their identity. (Wikipedia)}