A couple of days ago, my blog became inaccessible due to a database connection error. It hadn’t happened in years… When I got home to figure out why, I realized I couldn’t remember the setup details well since it had been so long. Things like database username and password… I’m not one to stick with a single memo app or storage solution, so finding such info when needed is nearly impossible. I see this as a big problem, yet I just can’t seem to fix it.
Somehow I managed to find the info – I had recorded it in a note service called Notion, but why I put such crucial info there, I have no idea. I began to trace the cause step by step, like a blind person fumbling for a doorknob, or a cow catching a mouse by chance. However, the fumbling order or backward logic needs to be systematically defined based on possibilities. Otherwise, you’ll never catch that doorknob or mouse. The cause I finally discovered was the expiration of the database user password change cycle. That blasted password change cycle. I have over 800 online service accounts. Even if I vanish, my accounts will likely survive in various databases for a long time. It’s exhausting. Physical traces can be discarded and seep into the ground in just a few years, but digital info clings on stubbornly like scars.
It was probably right after I resolved the issue and checked my blog was up and running. Suddenly, I felt incredibly sick.
I’ve been this sick a few times before. Long ago, while working, I couldn’t stay at my desk and went to a nearby clinic. The result was the flu. The doctor prescribed Tamiflu and told me to head home. I remember the headache being unbearable as I went home with the meds. It was so intense, I feared half my brain cells might necrotize from the pain. I was so scared, I kept reciting multiplication tables while walking through the underpass. I thought I was doing well, but maybe not. Another time was when I caught COVID. My throat felt slightly dry the day before, and when I woke up, my body felt like it was sinking into the bed. Sitting up was a struggle. I spent the day in bed, imagining the face of COVID. A blue face full of sharp thorns kept coming to mind. And now, this is the third time.
Yesterday, I lay in bed all day. I could bear the cough and a runny nose, but the headache was too much. Not being used to headaches, when I get one, I can’t do anything. Some might think, “Even if my head hurts, maybe I can use the less painful side of my brain to recite multiplication tables?” But I don’t envy them at all. This morning, the headache lingered, but now it’s easing up, and I’m grateful for that. The feeling of dawn breaking in my head, even just that, made me so happy. Compared to last night, I think I’m incredibly happy. When you think about it, life isn’t much else.
Wishing everyone good health in the new year.
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