This winter felt endless and tiresome. So as the year changed, I found myself longing for spring even more. Waiting doesn’t really fast-forward the season’s arrival, but the act of waiting itself is different from just wanting it sooner. Yet, as the time to execute the project I had been working on since last year approached, nothing else seemed to matter—not even the weather. It felt like I was lying within an event horizon, unable to see anything around me. For quite some time, I moved forward day by day, like climbing stairs, with my eyes only on my feet and my mind focused on the next step. Then one day, sunlight hit the desk in my office, feeling so unfamiliar that I froze, unable to do anything.
‘Because of this project, I’ll hardly have time to relax in spring before summer arrives.’
I remember that thought floating around my empty mind. Then finally, last Friday, the project wrapped up, and when I came back to my senses, summer was already in the air. My spring of 2024 vanished without a trace, just like Christmas Eve in 2015. So this is possible. On the day the project was handed over, I stepped out into the bright daylight for the first time in a month and a half. I didn’t hold the door for anyone, nor did I stop for street vendors; like a racehorse with blinders, I headed straight home. I didn’t eat, turn on my computer, or watch YouTube. Like a beetle shedding its skin, I stripped off my clothes, showered, and collapsed into bed, sleeping like the dead until the next day. 💤
When I woke up in the afternoon, it was raining outside. Not a mist you wouldn’t notice, nor an overwhelming monsoon, but a sensible rain that gently soaked everything with a steady rhythm. It felt like time had paused for a moment. The train to summer took a breather at the last stop of spring. I sat on the last step up to normalcy, playing my ‘2024’ playlist on shuffle. 🎶
It’s me, the one you carelessly left behind
Why so surprised? We could bump into each other Don’t make that awkward face, she’s laughing beside you
Just think about her, the one holding your arm Pass by as if nothing happened
Just be indifferent one more time, don’t bother with a greeting
I hate that apologetic look in your eyes
Goodbye in passing Look at her approaching by your side
She seems comfortable, trusts you like I once did Pass by as if nothing happened
Just be indifferent one more time, don’t bother with a greeting
I hate that apologetic look in your eyes
Goodbye in passing Don’t turn away from her like you did to me
No one knows how hard it is
to forget someone like you
I’m not done either Pass by as if nothing happened
Just be indifferent one more time, don’t bother with a greeting
I hate that apologetic look in your eyes
Goodbye in passing I hate that look in your eyes
Goodbye in passing
The first song played was Yoon Jong-shin’s live version of ‘A Fleeting Goodbye.’ I wasn’t even focusing on the lyrics, but his voice crushed my heart. It was so sad. I should have been happy the project was over, yet here I was. 😢
I hate that apologetic look in your eyes
‘A Fleeting Goodbye,’ released by Lee Soo-young in 2001, was penned by Yoon Jong-shin and composed by Park Yong-chan. Park, a high school friend of Yoon Jong-shin, also created classics like Sung Si-kyung’s ‘Hijae’ and Leeds’ ‘You Must Be Happy.’ (On a side note, I’m curious who designed the album cover for Leeds’ ‘Obsession’—it’s hauntingly memorable, even appearing in my dreams sometimes.) The world’s saddest melody, Park’s signature, pairs perfectly with Yoon Jong-shin’s heart-wrenching lyrics, pulling the surrounding mood into the depths. I became addicted, looping the song along with the sound of the rain. 🌧️
As I listened, I couldn’t help but focus on the lyrics, feeling something was amiss. The sincerity in Yoon Jong-shin’s voice was overwhelming, making it more confusing. He was heartbreakingly earnest for a guy. So, I switched back to Lee Soo-young’s version. 🎧
Anyway, with the rain wrapping up spring and that song, I got to bask in the spring I waited so long for, even if just for a day.
Leave a Reply